We have come to the last sermon in the series 40 days of Relationships. Over the last six weeks we have looked at different aspects of love. Love being the most important factor in life. Love is kind, it is patient, it is humble. We have looked at how love does not envy and we have looked at how it is the key to life.
This morning we are going to look at the ultimate test of love. The ultimate test of love is when somebody hurts us. How do we respond? Do we have a grudge? Do we get resentful? Do we get full of bitterness? How do we handle when somebody hurts us?
The bible says in 1 Cor 13:5 ‘Love keeps no record of wrongs.’ In other words love does not store up hurt, does not keep a grudge, does not keep score, does not keep a record of wrongs. I wonder if any of us do that. I know there have been occasions when I have. Sometimes we will keep a record of wrongs so we have ammunition when others hurt us, we can hurt them back. The Bible says love does not do that. Forgiveness may be the single most difficult act of love above all the other things we have talked about in this series.
There is a lot of wrong thinking about forgiveness. A lot of myths, a lot of misconceptions and because of this forgiveness gets watered down, abused, cheapened. If you study the Bible and read what Jesus says, you will discover that TRUE forgiveness is doing the complete opposite to what our emotions, our thinking and possibly what other people are telling us.
Forgiveness is NOT conditional. It is NOT based on somebody else’s response, it CANNOT be earned, it is NOT deserved, it CANNOT be bargained for, is NOT based on some promise that you will never do it again. If you say to someone “I will forgive you if….” That is not forgiveness. That is called bargaining. “I forgive you if…” is not forgiveness at all. Genuine forgiveness is UNCONDITIONAL. What if Jesus had said when He prayed, “Father forgive them if they ask for it.” The truth is that none of us asked for it when Jesus prayed on the cross. “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” Genuine forgiveness is UNCONDITIONAL. It is freely given and is offered whether it is ever asked for or not. It is given without question.
Forgiveness is not about minimising the seriousness of the offense. It is not saying, “Oh, that’s ok, it’s no big deal, it didn’t really hurt me,” or if somebody tries to ask forgiveness, you say. ‘Don’t worry about it.” That is not forgiveness. Why because there is a difference between being wounded and being wronged. Those are two very different things. Being wounded is something that is accidental, somebody hurts us accidentally. When we are wounded, that does not require forgiveness, we are hurt unintentionally all the time. We just need patience and acceptance at that. But when we are wronged, when other people wrong us, that requires forgiveness. When we minimise a wrong, either our own or somebody else’s, we are cheapening forgiveness.
Forgiveness does not mean resuming a relationship without changes. This is one of the most misunderstood concepts about forgiveness. Forgiveness is not the same as restoring a relationship. Some people are afraid to forgive because they are afraid that they are going to have to go back with that person, they have to resume the relationship as it was before. No, restoring relationship and forgiveness are two different things. Forgiveness is instant and trust must be built over a long period of time. Forgiveness takes care of the damage done. It lets the person off the hook, we let them go but it does not guarantee that the relationship will be restored instantly – it can do – but nine times out of ten it will take some time and some changes. Forgiveness is our part in the reconciliation, when we forgive the offender. But for a relationship to be restored, the offender has to do three other things that are totally unrelated to forgiveness. Firstly, they must demonstrate genuine repentance. They have to show that they are genuinely sorry and that means a change in their lifestyle. Secondly, they have to make restitution whenever possible for the damage done. And thirdly, the offender must rebuild our trust by proving they have changed over time. If a person repeatedly wrongs us over and over, we are obligated by God to forgive that person over and over again. But we are not obligated to trust that person or instantly restore the relationship. It takes more than forgiveness to build a relationship. It takes trust and trust is built over time.
Forgiveness does not forget what happened. Some people have been afraid to forgive somebody who hurt them because they do not want to forget. We have all heard the cliché “Forgive and forget.” The only problem is that it is impossible to do. It’s foolish and illogical. When we are trying to forget something, what are we focusing on? The very thing we want to forget and whatever you focus on, you tend to move towards. Our brains stores every single memory we have ever had and if doctors were to open up our brains and take a probe and stimulate a certain part, they can bring back every single memory we ever had in vivid colour. Our brains do not forget anything. It can be pushed down from trauma and repressed into the deep recesses of our minds but we really ever forget anything. The only way to forget something is to replace it.
But there is something better than forgetting and this will take us to a new level of spiritual maturity. It requires us to remember and realise that God can bring good even out of bad things that happen to us. Romans 8:28 talks about how all things are not good – in fact, there is a lot of bad in the world. But all things work together for good. This is the difference between forgetting and letting go. We remember it, but we let it go. The Bible talks about letting go of the pain, letting go of the hurt, of the resentment, bitterness, not holding onto it. But that is not forgetting because we will never forget.
Forgiveness is not our right when we are not the one that was hurt. Only the victim has the right to forgive. We can not forgive people that have not hurt us. This is shallow, faulty, forgiveness. It is not our place. We can only forgive those who have hurt us and others can only forgive those who have hurt them. It is meaningless to short circuit. And there is always a cost to sin and there is always a cost to forgiveness and that it why we have to let go and we have to reach out to the offender.
Real forgiveness is relinquishing our right to get even. We do not seek revenge. We do not want to fall into the bitterness trap and we do not want to hold onto resentment We may think that’s unfair. Was it fair for Jesus Christ to forgive everything we have ever done wrong and let us go scott free? No. We always want justice for somebody else, and we all want forgiveness for ourselves. When it comes to somebody else, it’s not fair but we do not want God to be fair to us, we want God to be gracious to us. And remember that resentment and bitterness can be passed down from generation to generation. We don’t just make ourselves miserable we make everybody else around us miserable too. It is a worthless emotion so we will relinquish our right to get even.
Real forgiveness responds to evil with good. How do we know they we have genuinely forgiven somebody? When we can pray a blessing for them! When we pray we also understand their hurt, see their hurt. When people are hurting inside, they take it out on others. When we learn to forgive we start to understand why they acted in such evil, selfish, hurtful or abusive ways. We can pray for them and pray for God to bless them.
Real forgiveness is never or rarely a one-time event. Forgiveness goes on and on and on. How often do we have to do this? How often do we have to keep blessing them when they do evil? Until the pains stops, until we stop feeling the hurt. And then we will know we have forgiven them. Peter asked Jesus, ‘Lord how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?’ ‘No’, Jesus replied, ‘Seventy times seven.’ (Matthew 18:21-22. In other words to infinity and beyond! Just keep on doing it. Every time we remember the hurt, we make a wilful choice in our minds and say ‘God they really hurt me and it still hurts but I am choosing because I want to be filled with love and not resentment to bless them. God I pray that you will bless them and should your grace to them as you have to me’. We keep on doing it until we know we have released them.
There are times when we will struggle with forgiving someone. We have made a decision to do so but we can’t get the words out for one reason or another. That’s the time we seek the help from someone we trust or the clergy. Someone who will walk with us to the cross.
We were forgiven not because we deserved or earned it, because we promised never to do it again but because we have put our faith in Jesus Christ and because we want to become more like Jesus.
Over the last seven weeks we have listened to the sermons, spent time with the daily readings, been part of a cell group and maybe visited St. Paul’s on a Sunday Evening for more input. We have learnt that we need to be loving, kind, patient, forgiving and when we do these we start a transformation in ourselves and others. Colossians 3:15-17 tells us we should let the peace of Christ rule in our Hearts, shape our minds and determine our actions.
What is ruling our hearts right now? Is it guilt, greed or grace? What is shaping our minds? Is it the Times or Telegraph Editor, BBC controller, work, pornography or is it the Word of God? We are what we eat and what we fill our minds with. If we want to be wise we will let the Word of God dwell in us richly. Apparently, there is a book, in which there is a prayer for everything we do from waking, worrying, sleep, household tasks, relationships, driving – endless prayers for everything. We get up and do things without always including Jesus. When was the last time we said ‘I do this in the Name of Jesus?’
How can we have the peace of Christ ruling in our hearts. By continuing to confess our sins and repent, by reading the Bible daily, by joining in a service or two and having fellowship with other Christians. Just as being in the company of an angry person can breed bitterness, so too can fellowship with loving people breed love and forgiveness. Give Jesus the day ahead and ask Him to be part of that.
How can the Word of Christ shape our mind? By reading, studying, memorising, meditating and applying God’s word and making it our highest daily priority. Why must we do this because “All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness so that all God’s people may be thoroughly equipped for every good work’ (2 Tim 3:16).
Let the Name of Christ determine your actions. By doing everything in Jesus’ Name. Paul is saying act consistently with Jesus’ character – act the same way Jesus would do if he were in our place. In Matthew 2:.20 Jesus said to his friends, ‘I am with you always’. He is indeed here, with us, in us, right now. The heart of spiritual life is to do everything with Jesus, in his name – the way He would do it in our place – knowing He is actually present. What would happen if we were to spend an entire day doing everything in Jesus’ name? Let’s start this morning. Amen
Saturday, 4 April 2009
Saturday, 28 March 2009
BUILDING BETTER RELATIONSHIPS. LOVE – 6. Ephesians 4: 17 – 31 Mark 10: 13 – 15LOVE IS PATIENT. ROBERT.
All the Churches in the Camberley Group are spending Lent this year following a study course called “Building Better Relationships” which is based on Paul’s famous chapter in praise of Christian Love – 1 Corinthians 13. This week is the 6th in the series and we look together at the opening phrase of verse 4: “Love is patient.”
To put it in context I want to read the paragraph in my favourite translation, which is that of the New English Bible. How many hundreds of times have I read this a wedding services – and with very good reason!
“Love is patient; love is kind and envies no-one. Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; never selfish, not quick to take offence. Love keeps no score of wrongs; does not gloat over other men’s sins, but delights in the truth. There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, its hope, and its endurance.”
The study course has notes for each of the seven sermons, and (to my surprise) the notes accompanying this particular study – instead of concentrating on the positive phrase ‘Love is patient’ – choose to concentrate on the negative characteristic of anger and how to avoid it.
Now, of course, it’s true that if you are angry, your patience will fly out of the window. So let’s get this aspect of the study out of the way first. It’s true that we live in a society that is impatient, demanding, and wanting everything yesterday. It’s also true that part of this is because we have somehow become an angry society – although that is only part of the problem of impatience.
We need to be clear that anger can be positive as well as negative. In today’s Gospel, Jesus is indignant because his disciples try to keep children away from him. In the temple, he seethes with anger because the great building that God had intended to be a place of worship and prayer had turned – at least in part – into a den of thieves.
I sometimes feel that we are not angry enough about many of the things that happen in our world, and in our own society. We could often do with more indignation, especially when we see men, women and children – made in the image of God – being abused, neglected and without the basic necessities of life – usually through greed and the ruthless pursuit of power and wealth.
But Jesus also taught us that a violent response is not the answer. When it is truly a righteous indignation, our anger needs to be somehow turned into a constructive, assertive response that is channelled towards positive change. Easier said than done, and we can’t pursue that this morning, but when you feel angry over some injustice, it’s always worth sitting down and trying to work out how to make a constructive response.
But, having said all that, anger is usually wrong because it arises out of a selfish regard for our own pride, status, and love of self. The notes suggest five things we can work on, in order to become more controlled, and hence more patient.
1. Break the pattern of anger. We can fall into a pattern of anger at the world in general, which makes us react with instinctive impatience when something appears to cross us or irritate us – often actually quite trivial in itself. Our epistle from Ephesians 4 has wise words to say about this. Verses 26/27: “In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” In other words, never let anger lead you to do something wrong, and – if you are in dispute with someone, try your very best to sort it out and reach reconciliation absolutely as soon as possible, and before it has any chance to fester. Proverbs 19:11 says: “People with good sense restrain their anger; they earn esteem by overlooking wrongs.”
2. Guard you relationships. Proverbs again tells us (22: 24/25) “Keep away from angry, short-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.”
3. Release your worries to God. Anger and impatience often erupt out of an existing inner turmoil. When we are already upset, one more thing that annoys us is often the last straw that makes us explode. But in Philippians 4: 6/7 Paul tells us: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” If you release your inner turmoil into God’s hands, He is able to give you that inner peace which will enable you to act and react with measure and control.
4. Get some rest. Put another way – sleep on it – probably more than once – before reacting with anger. We live in a world that is irritable because people are tired, and when you’re tired, your patience snaps. The message of the notes is to get enough rest and eat properly, and then you will be better equipped to deal with all that life throws at you.
5.The 5th recipe for avoiding anger, and hence exercising patience, is called ‘Changing your Expectations’. If your attitude to the world and other people is that essentially they exist to serve your interests, it will be little wonder that you snap when this fails to happen. But Philippians 4: 8 calls us to a different attitude of mind entirely. “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, what is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” Set your mind, your attitude, on what is good, and the rest (so to speak) will fall into place.
That is, in summary, the theme set for today. But I really don’t want to finish without homing in rather more directly on the title ‘Love is Patient’. We need to develop a positive patience, as well as a negative resistance to anger.
Another translation for ‘patience’ is ‘longsuffering’, which originally meant to ‘suffer along-side’ someone. If you put it like that, it takes on a more positive meaning and becomes a positive action in itself, and not just a restraint on your natural irritability.
Love needs to be patient – to suffer alongside. To take simple examples, as we get older, our hearing begins to fail. Love is patient! We take longer to accomplish what seem to be simple tasks. Love is patient! Sadly our health fails – our physical health, our memory, indeed more and more often now than ever, our mental capacity. We need a love that is patient. If it’s our spouse, we need to remember that we promised honour and faithfulness ‘for better, for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.’ That needs patience/long-suffering – you’re in it for the long haul, and you need people to be very patient with you, as well as the other way round! Dare I say that we also need to be patient with God, who will accomplish his purposes in his own way and his own time, and we are in it with Him together for a lifetime’s journey.
As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13, the love that is patient will be kind, it will not be boastful, conceited or rude. Not quick to take offence, it keeps no score of wrongs – in humility hoping that other people will not keep a score of the number of times we wrong them.
Overarching it all, the most important thing to remember is just how patient God is with us. If we begin to consider how often we repeat the same failures and sins, how consistently we let God down and fall short of the example he has set us in Jesus, how thankful should we be that God’s love for us is patient. And his patient love is new and fresh every morning. If we keep that in mind, our love for others will become more patient, more humble and much less quick to take offence. With God’s love for us as our constant example, we will affirm (with Paul) in our own lives, attitudes and actions that “There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, its hope, and its endurance.”
To put it in context I want to read the paragraph in my favourite translation, which is that of the New English Bible. How many hundreds of times have I read this a wedding services – and with very good reason!
“Love is patient; love is kind and envies no-one. Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; never selfish, not quick to take offence. Love keeps no score of wrongs; does not gloat over other men’s sins, but delights in the truth. There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, its hope, and its endurance.”
The study course has notes for each of the seven sermons, and (to my surprise) the notes accompanying this particular study – instead of concentrating on the positive phrase ‘Love is patient’ – choose to concentrate on the negative characteristic of anger and how to avoid it.
Now, of course, it’s true that if you are angry, your patience will fly out of the window. So let’s get this aspect of the study out of the way first. It’s true that we live in a society that is impatient, demanding, and wanting everything yesterday. It’s also true that part of this is because we have somehow become an angry society – although that is only part of the problem of impatience.
We need to be clear that anger can be positive as well as negative. In today’s Gospel, Jesus is indignant because his disciples try to keep children away from him. In the temple, he seethes with anger because the great building that God had intended to be a place of worship and prayer had turned – at least in part – into a den of thieves.
I sometimes feel that we are not angry enough about many of the things that happen in our world, and in our own society. We could often do with more indignation, especially when we see men, women and children – made in the image of God – being abused, neglected and without the basic necessities of life – usually through greed and the ruthless pursuit of power and wealth.
But Jesus also taught us that a violent response is not the answer. When it is truly a righteous indignation, our anger needs to be somehow turned into a constructive, assertive response that is channelled towards positive change. Easier said than done, and we can’t pursue that this morning, but when you feel angry over some injustice, it’s always worth sitting down and trying to work out how to make a constructive response.
But, having said all that, anger is usually wrong because it arises out of a selfish regard for our own pride, status, and love of self. The notes suggest five things we can work on, in order to become more controlled, and hence more patient.
1. Break the pattern of anger. We can fall into a pattern of anger at the world in general, which makes us react with instinctive impatience when something appears to cross us or irritate us – often actually quite trivial in itself. Our epistle from Ephesians 4 has wise words to say about this. Verses 26/27: “In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” In other words, never let anger lead you to do something wrong, and – if you are in dispute with someone, try your very best to sort it out and reach reconciliation absolutely as soon as possible, and before it has any chance to fester. Proverbs 19:11 says: “People with good sense restrain their anger; they earn esteem by overlooking wrongs.”
2. Guard you relationships. Proverbs again tells us (22: 24/25) “Keep away from angry, short-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.”
3. Release your worries to God. Anger and impatience often erupt out of an existing inner turmoil. When we are already upset, one more thing that annoys us is often the last straw that makes us explode. But in Philippians 4: 6/7 Paul tells us: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” If you release your inner turmoil into God’s hands, He is able to give you that inner peace which will enable you to act and react with measure and control.
4. Get some rest. Put another way – sleep on it – probably more than once – before reacting with anger. We live in a world that is irritable because people are tired, and when you’re tired, your patience snaps. The message of the notes is to get enough rest and eat properly, and then you will be better equipped to deal with all that life throws at you.
5.The 5th recipe for avoiding anger, and hence exercising patience, is called ‘Changing your Expectations’. If your attitude to the world and other people is that essentially they exist to serve your interests, it will be little wonder that you snap when this fails to happen. But Philippians 4: 8 calls us to a different attitude of mind entirely. “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, what is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” Set your mind, your attitude, on what is good, and the rest (so to speak) will fall into place.
That is, in summary, the theme set for today. But I really don’t want to finish without homing in rather more directly on the title ‘Love is Patient’. We need to develop a positive patience, as well as a negative resistance to anger.
Another translation for ‘patience’ is ‘longsuffering’, which originally meant to ‘suffer along-side’ someone. If you put it like that, it takes on a more positive meaning and becomes a positive action in itself, and not just a restraint on your natural irritability.
Love needs to be patient – to suffer alongside. To take simple examples, as we get older, our hearing begins to fail. Love is patient! We take longer to accomplish what seem to be simple tasks. Love is patient! Sadly our health fails – our physical health, our memory, indeed more and more often now than ever, our mental capacity. We need a love that is patient. If it’s our spouse, we need to remember that we promised honour and faithfulness ‘for better, for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.’ That needs patience/long-suffering – you’re in it for the long haul, and you need people to be very patient with you, as well as the other way round! Dare I say that we also need to be patient with God, who will accomplish his purposes in his own way and his own time, and we are in it with Him together for a lifetime’s journey.
As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13, the love that is patient will be kind, it will not be boastful, conceited or rude. Not quick to take offence, it keeps no score of wrongs – in humility hoping that other people will not keep a score of the number of times we wrong them.
Overarching it all, the most important thing to remember is just how patient God is with us. If we begin to consider how often we repeat the same failures and sins, how consistently we let God down and fall short of the example he has set us in Jesus, how thankful should we be that God’s love for us is patient. And his patient love is new and fresh every morning. If we keep that in mind, our love for others will become more patient, more humble and much less quick to take offence. With God’s love for us as our constant example, we will affirm (with Paul) in our own lives, attitudes and actions that “There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, its hope, and its endurance.”
Saturday, 21 March 2009
Sunday 22 March 2008, 40 Days of Relationship, Love is Respectful, Luke 7:36-50 Bruce
Welcome to the fifth in a series called “Living Real Relationships – with God’s Love”. This is a programme which we are following at all five churches in the Camberley Group during Lent. Appropriately for today, Mother Sunday, our theme is “Love is respectful”.
We read in 1 Corinthians 13:5 that love ‘is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.’ To sum that up, we would say that it is to treat people with respect.
The definition of respect that I would like to go with is “Showing value and honour to others by your actions.”
Most people today seem to demand respect be given to them by others, but we see in Jesus that he always treated others with respect. We see this throughout his life and ministry; we see it in the gospel passage that we are looking at today.
It might be helpful to look at this from the point of view of four road signs that can guide us, signs of respect.
First Sign - Stop talking and listen.
I talk to engaged couples about the importance of communication. It is important to be assertive, to be able to ask politely and clearly for what you want. It is equally important, though, to be a good listener. This shows that you value the person who is talking to you.
Jesus was a good listener. He listened to this unnamed woman, even though in the story she never says a word. He paid close attention to her, her circumstance, who she was; Simon the Pharisee saw her as a caricature, a type.
How often would mothers wish that their children really stopped and listened when the were speaking?
Second Sign – Keep your promises.
How good it is to be a person who can be relied upon, who can be believed. The road sign is No U Turn. We promise something and we keep going, we deliver. Jesus promised this woman that her sins would be forgiven; the bible is full of promises that god ahs made to us, and the good news is that she could trust Jesus to see this promise kept, and so can we.
In our own relationships, then, we also must aim to be promise keepers. This calls for judgement and planning; we often wish to do good things for others – but we must be careful to only promise what we can deliver. We honour and value people when we keep our promises to them.
Third Sign – Yield your rights and serve others.
This is the Give Way sign. If we are surrounded by colleagues or neighbours who are determined to get ahead, be served, then we do not feel respected. But if someone puts aside their rights and offers service to you, you feel that you matter to them. The woman in the story did not dwell on her status or reputation, she quietly got on with what she felt was important, the honouring of Jesus. Sometimes we can catch ourselves feeling that we are owed something because we have done something good for another. “If I do this for you, then perhaps you will …”
The antidote to a selfish spirit is to offer service and to give way. We do this by offering common courtesy. Simon withheld from Jesus the common, usual courtesies of a foot wash and a kiss of greeting.
Another way to offer service is to do our very best for others. The woman did not pour some cheap unwanted Christmas gift over Jesus. It was expensive, deliberately so. In the same way, sacrifices in the Old Testament were not to be of substandard quality. We should aim for our worship to be of the highest standard; we are not prefect and should not condemn ourselves if we feel deficient, but at the same time we should never be slip shod, or cheap in our attitudes. Worship of God is not a fringe, optional activity for the keen.
If that is so in our relationship with God, should not also be so in our relationships with each other? We unconsciously find ourselves going to great lengths, making great efforts on behalf of people we respect and value. My prayer is that will grow into a community that will value and treat all people of every background the same.
Fourth Sign – Slow down and take time to see others in the way that God does.
You cannot see the countryside when you are whipping along at 70mph. The sign that points to the Scenic Route reminds us to take a slower, more meditative route, to soak up the scenery.
Paul says in Ephesians 4:2 “Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love.”
Everyone saw the woman in the story as at best an interruption, at worst a disgrace. Jesus saw her as a worshipper, a daughter of the kingdom.
One of the privileges of being a church leader is that I get to meet many different people in a short period of time, the MP, the mayor, the widow, the school drop-out, the rough sleeper, the millionaire. Christ’s command is not just to vicars but to all followers of his son that we treat all of these with appropriate care and attention.
May our prayer each day be that we will see each person as God sees them, and treat them as honoured and valued, no matter what their background or history.
We read in 1 Corinthians 13:5 that love ‘is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.’ To sum that up, we would say that it is to treat people with respect.
The definition of respect that I would like to go with is “Showing value and honour to others by your actions.”
Most people today seem to demand respect be given to them by others, but we see in Jesus that he always treated others with respect. We see this throughout his life and ministry; we see it in the gospel passage that we are looking at today.
It might be helpful to look at this from the point of view of four road signs that can guide us, signs of respect.
First Sign - Stop talking and listen.
I talk to engaged couples about the importance of communication. It is important to be assertive, to be able to ask politely and clearly for what you want. It is equally important, though, to be a good listener. This shows that you value the person who is talking to you.
Jesus was a good listener. He listened to this unnamed woman, even though in the story she never says a word. He paid close attention to her, her circumstance, who she was; Simon the Pharisee saw her as a caricature, a type.
How often would mothers wish that their children really stopped and listened when the were speaking?
Second Sign – Keep your promises.
How good it is to be a person who can be relied upon, who can be believed. The road sign is No U Turn. We promise something and we keep going, we deliver. Jesus promised this woman that her sins would be forgiven; the bible is full of promises that god ahs made to us, and the good news is that she could trust Jesus to see this promise kept, and so can we.
In our own relationships, then, we also must aim to be promise keepers. This calls for judgement and planning; we often wish to do good things for others – but we must be careful to only promise what we can deliver. We honour and value people when we keep our promises to them.
Third Sign – Yield your rights and serve others.
This is the Give Way sign. If we are surrounded by colleagues or neighbours who are determined to get ahead, be served, then we do not feel respected. But if someone puts aside their rights and offers service to you, you feel that you matter to them. The woman in the story did not dwell on her status or reputation, she quietly got on with what she felt was important, the honouring of Jesus. Sometimes we can catch ourselves feeling that we are owed something because we have done something good for another. “If I do this for you, then perhaps you will …”
The antidote to a selfish spirit is to offer service and to give way. We do this by offering common courtesy. Simon withheld from Jesus the common, usual courtesies of a foot wash and a kiss of greeting.
Another way to offer service is to do our very best for others. The woman did not pour some cheap unwanted Christmas gift over Jesus. It was expensive, deliberately so. In the same way, sacrifices in the Old Testament were not to be of substandard quality. We should aim for our worship to be of the highest standard; we are not prefect and should not condemn ourselves if we feel deficient, but at the same time we should never be slip shod, or cheap in our attitudes. Worship of God is not a fringe, optional activity for the keen.
If that is so in our relationship with God, should not also be so in our relationships with each other? We unconsciously find ourselves going to great lengths, making great efforts on behalf of people we respect and value. My prayer is that will grow into a community that will value and treat all people of every background the same.
Fourth Sign – Slow down and take time to see others in the way that God does.
You cannot see the countryside when you are whipping along at 70mph. The sign that points to the Scenic Route reminds us to take a slower, more meditative route, to soak up the scenery.
Paul says in Ephesians 4:2 “Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love.”
Everyone saw the woman in the story as at best an interruption, at worst a disgrace. Jesus saw her as a worshipper, a daughter of the kingdom.
One of the privileges of being a church leader is that I get to meet many different people in a short period of time, the MP, the mayor, the widow, the school drop-out, the rough sleeper, the millionaire. Christ’s command is not just to vicars but to all followers of his son that we treat all of these with appropriate care and attention.
May our prayer each day be that we will see each person as God sees them, and treat them as honoured and valued, no matter what their background or history.
Sunday 15 March 2009, Lent 3, 40 Days of Relationship, Love is Humble, John 13:1-17 Bruce
This is the fourth in a series of talks given as part of the programme Building Better Relationships with God’s Love. A sermon on this theme is being preached at each of the churches in the Anglican Camberley Group. Today we look at the topic “Love is humble”. It tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV) ”Love does not boast, it is not proud.” If you want to build authentic relationships, you’ve got to learn to be humble.
To be humble is a way of being, a series of actions rather than a feeling.
To be humble is not to be a wimp, or shy or bashful.
To be humble is to be secure, courageous, rather than feeble, insecure, cowardly.
HUMILITY: Not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of others instead and acting in their best interest, instead of your own.
To be humble is something we can get better at, by practice and by opening ourselves to the grace of God.
What can we do?
1. Practice giving preference to others
“Honour one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:10 (NIV)
2. Practice learning from others.
‘If you reject criticism, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.‘ Proverbs 15:32 (NLT)
3. Practice admitting when wrong.
Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.’ Matthew 18:4 (NIV)
4. Practice surrendering your plans to God.
‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ James 4:6 (NIV)
‘Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.’ Matthew 11:29 (NIV)
‘He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.’ Micah 6:8 (NIV)
To be humble is a way of being, a series of actions rather than a feeling.
To be humble is not to be a wimp, or shy or bashful.
To be humble is to be secure, courageous, rather than feeble, insecure, cowardly.
HUMILITY: Not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of others instead and acting in their best interest, instead of your own.
To be humble is something we can get better at, by practice and by opening ourselves to the grace of God.
What can we do?
1. Practice giving preference to others
“Honour one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:10 (NIV)
2. Practice learning from others.
‘If you reject criticism, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.‘ Proverbs 15:32 (NLT)
3. Practice admitting when wrong.
Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.’ Matthew 18:4 (NIV)
4. Practice surrendering your plans to God.
‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ James 4:6 (NIV)
‘Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.’ Matthew 11:29 (NIV)
‘He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.’ Micah 6:8 (NIV)
Sunday 8 March 2009: Lent 2 Sermon Series Building better Relationships by God’s Love. Love does not Envy”. Matthew 20:1-16 Melanie
From God :
In the beginning it was just me.
Everything was in order, tidy, in neat boxes.
There was no one around to mess it up.
I enjoyed looking at the order – the symmetry that I had created.
But something was missing.
The order needed someone, something,
to give it life – to love and to be loved.
I wanted to create something special –
a family, a community that could grow together,
nourish and develop each other.
Gradually I scooped together the dust that had gathered ;
breathed and created.
He was wonderful, this new being that I had made.
He breathed, laughed, cried, and above all loved.
I loved him too, with a love from the bottom of my heart.
It was a love that knew no bounds –
from endless ocean to endless ocean.
We laughed together, played together, cried together.
It seemed as though our souls were permanently entwined.
I watched him learn to walk, talk, discover plants, animals, water.
I wanted to give him everything I possibly could.
Then one day I realised –
knew that he would need others to love besides me.
I was anxious at creating something that might replace me,
but I took more dust and breathed new life into the tangled mess.
This new being was just as perfect as him –
and I loved her just as much.
Gradually I introduced him to more and more creatures that he could love.
He grasped at each one,
his little hands clawing at them and grabbing
the air as he reached out towards them.
It was supposed to be perfect.
Perfect love shared – the child echoing my own heartbeat –
part of who I was.
I watched in wonder as the child grew.
He got stronger in every way, developed, matured –
hormones kicked in!
And then things changed.
This perfect child, my own creation, started demanding things.
At first it wasn’t much
a coat like the lion ;
a warm nest like the birds.
Then it got worse.
He wanted to fly like the birds ;
swim like the whale ;
have the power of the elephant.
He always seemed to want what other animals or people had.
He didn’t stop to think about the negative sides.
Would he want to fly like the birds
if he knew he had to make 3,000 flights every day to get food for the chicks? Would he want to swim like the whale
if he had to migrate across oceans each year?
I thought perhaps if he had his own money,
he could decide himself what he wanted.
I got him a job in a vineyard
you’d think he’d be grateful, with the recession and everything.
But no, all he did was complain
that I gave other people the same wage as him.
As an employer I think I have the right
to pay people whatever I want
and he got his fair wage for the day.
So it went on – he wanted to be as clever, kind, talented as someone else – he never seemed to stop.
He didn’t think to envy the gnarled old tree
that had learned to bend with time,
and that had come to see its scars as beautiful ;
or envy the mountain that had endured for years,
and had been ravaged and shaped by wind, rain and snow.
No, he wanted everything that he thought was good about everyone else.
The thing is, deep down,
I knew the only reason he wanted all these things was because he wasn’t happy with himself.
He needed to learn to love himself for who he was
but you can’t tell them that can you?
Children will never change – they’’ll never want to listen to the voice of experience.
I tried to tell him that he had everything that he needed.
That I had blessed him in so many ways
but he just got angry with me.
He complained that it was unfair
– why should he have to work all day for food when the lion could sleep all day and get food in one go?
He used to say ‘If you really loved me we’d be able to have whatever we want’,
and ‘It’s not fair’.
How could I explain to him
that having what someone else has isn’t the answer.
That happiness comes from being content within,
and seeing my love and grace in everything
even the bad things of life.
Or that this envy if it festers inside would end up eating him from within, and destroying every ounce of love that I had created.
That the answer isn’t to look for what he hasn’t got,
but to look at the beautiful gifts that I have given
and that make him so unique in my eyes.
I knew that would take time to learn
– and time is one of those things that this impatient child of mine has yet to discover.
I got angry with him too.
He treats the world like it’s a hotel and as if it owes him something.
He doesn’t clear up after himself or take responsibility for the mess he makes – and he’s made some terrible messes.
I’m always having to clear up after him and sometimes it takes ages.
And he doesn’t even notice!
He just makes more mess.
My precious child that I created is growing up.
He is pushing the boundaries, rebelling.
He struggles with envy one minute, and anger the next.
Then tries to anaesthetize himself with noise, overwork,
shopping, activity, drink, drugs
anything that distracts from the drive to exist and to love.
I long to step in and make everything all right.
But I have to let go and leave him to make his own way.
What kind of parent would I be if I tried to dictate his every step.
Yet I am proud of him,
and delight in every step he takes
even when there are lots of mistakes along the way.
I formed him, and he is part of who I am – and nothing can change that.
I still love him from the very depths of my being.
Based on Infinite Potential by Kathy O’Loughlin
In the beginning it was just me.
Everything was in order, tidy, in neat boxes.
There was no one around to mess it up.
I enjoyed looking at the order – the symmetry that I had created.
But something was missing.
The order needed someone, something,
to give it life – to love and to be loved.
I wanted to create something special –
a family, a community that could grow together,
nourish and develop each other.
Gradually I scooped together the dust that had gathered ;
breathed and created.
He was wonderful, this new being that I had made.
He breathed, laughed, cried, and above all loved.
I loved him too, with a love from the bottom of my heart.
It was a love that knew no bounds –
from endless ocean to endless ocean.
We laughed together, played together, cried together.
It seemed as though our souls were permanently entwined.
I watched him learn to walk, talk, discover plants, animals, water.
I wanted to give him everything I possibly could.
Then one day I realised –
knew that he would need others to love besides me.
I was anxious at creating something that might replace me,
but I took more dust and breathed new life into the tangled mess.
This new being was just as perfect as him –
and I loved her just as much.
Gradually I introduced him to more and more creatures that he could love.
He grasped at each one,
his little hands clawing at them and grabbing
the air as he reached out towards them.
It was supposed to be perfect.
Perfect love shared – the child echoing my own heartbeat –
part of who I was.
I watched in wonder as the child grew.
He got stronger in every way, developed, matured –
hormones kicked in!
And then things changed.
This perfect child, my own creation, started demanding things.
At first it wasn’t much
a coat like the lion ;
a warm nest like the birds.
Then it got worse.
He wanted to fly like the birds ;
swim like the whale ;
have the power of the elephant.
He always seemed to want what other animals or people had.
He didn’t stop to think about the negative sides.
Would he want to fly like the birds
if he knew he had to make 3,000 flights every day to get food for the chicks? Would he want to swim like the whale
if he had to migrate across oceans each year?
I thought perhaps if he had his own money,
he could decide himself what he wanted.
I got him a job in a vineyard
you’d think he’d be grateful, with the recession and everything.
But no, all he did was complain
that I gave other people the same wage as him.
As an employer I think I have the right
to pay people whatever I want
and he got his fair wage for the day.
So it went on – he wanted to be as clever, kind, talented as someone else – he never seemed to stop.
He didn’t think to envy the gnarled old tree
that had learned to bend with time,
and that had come to see its scars as beautiful ;
or envy the mountain that had endured for years,
and had been ravaged and shaped by wind, rain and snow.
No, he wanted everything that he thought was good about everyone else.
The thing is, deep down,
I knew the only reason he wanted all these things was because he wasn’t happy with himself.
He needed to learn to love himself for who he was
but you can’t tell them that can you?
Children will never change – they’’ll never want to listen to the voice of experience.
I tried to tell him that he had everything that he needed.
That I had blessed him in so many ways
but he just got angry with me.
He complained that it was unfair
– why should he have to work all day for food when the lion could sleep all day and get food in one go?
He used to say ‘If you really loved me we’d be able to have whatever we want’,
and ‘It’s not fair’.
How could I explain to him
that having what someone else has isn’t the answer.
That happiness comes from being content within,
and seeing my love and grace in everything
even the bad things of life.
Or that this envy if it festers inside would end up eating him from within, and destroying every ounce of love that I had created.
That the answer isn’t to look for what he hasn’t got,
but to look at the beautiful gifts that I have given
and that make him so unique in my eyes.
I knew that would take time to learn
– and time is one of those things that this impatient child of mine has yet to discover.
I got angry with him too.
He treats the world like it’s a hotel and as if it owes him something.
He doesn’t clear up after himself or take responsibility for the mess he makes – and he’s made some terrible messes.
I’m always having to clear up after him and sometimes it takes ages.
And he doesn’t even notice!
He just makes more mess.
My precious child that I created is growing up.
He is pushing the boundaries, rebelling.
He struggles with envy one minute, and anger the next.
Then tries to anaesthetize himself with noise, overwork,
shopping, activity, drink, drugs
anything that distracts from the drive to exist and to love.
I long to step in and make everything all right.
But I have to let go and leave him to make his own way.
What kind of parent would I be if I tried to dictate his every step.
Yet I am proud of him,
and delight in every step he takes
even when there are lots of mistakes along the way.
I formed him, and he is part of who I am – and nothing can change that.
I still love him from the very depths of my being.
Based on Infinite Potential by Kathy O’Loughlin
Saturday, 28 February 2009
Sunday 1 March 2009, Lent 2, 40 Days of Relationship, LOVE IS KIND - Scripture Reference: Luke 10:25-37, Kim
We are continuing in our series of ’40 Days of Real Relationships with God’s Love.’ This week we are looking at the phrase in 1 Corinthians 13, ‘Love IS kind.’ The bible says that we need to be kind.
What is kindness? Kindness is love in action. Last week Bruce said love is not a feeling. It is something you do. It creates feelings. It produces feelings, enormous emotions, but love is not a feeling, it is an action. It is a belief that you put in your behaviour. The bible says that love is kindness in action.
I was passing through a shop door recently and saw a woman approaching me laden down with bags. I held the door open for her. And she turned to me and said, 'How kind of you!' It set me wondering - what does it mean to be kind? What do you think it means to be kind?
If someone helped an unsighted person cross the road, would you think of them as kind? If someone looked after a stray animal, would you think of them as kind? If someone found your lost diary and returned it to you, would you think of that person as kind? I suspect we would see each of these acts as acts of kindness. And I suspect might well think of ourselves as kind people. We don't beat people up, kick animals, steal from others, or bully our neighbours; we are basically kind.
At an away weekend during my training one of my peers told a story about his childhood vicar and one of the parishioners. A story that has stayed with him and me. This vicar is in the habit of being the last person to leave the Church building after service on Sunday. He likes to make sure that all the books are back in place, the lights turned off and the kneelers neatly tucked away; everything ready for the service, the following week. One particular morning, as he put the key in the door he noticed one of his parishioners sitting on the bench just outside the Church. He took the time to sit beside him. 'Is there anything wrong, Charlie?' he asked as he sat down beside him. 'I don't know', said Charlie, 'I've being coming here for more than a year now but I don't think I belong'. 'Why ever not?' asked the Vicar. 'The people who go to your Church, they're nice enough but they don't care much about me; I don't think it would matter whether I came to Church or not'. 'Oh that's not true, Charlie, the people here are good, kind people; they really like having you among them'. 'I don't see it', said Charlie, 'I think I'm going to give the whole thing up'.
Well, I'm not sure what Charlie had in mind when he used the word kindness, I wonder if it was something to do with the fruit of the Spirit; Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness and Self Control. Love produces Love, which produce Joy etc. etc.
What does it mean to be kind? It means, first of all, not repaying evil with evil, or abuse with abuse. No, if you want to be kind, ‘bless’. To be kind, is to give a blessing. It's quite powerful stuff, because, in the Hebrew tradition, to bless is to give somebody the power for life. It is not a matter of holding doors open or returning lost diaries, which are all good and we should continue to do them - it is about giving someone the power for life. It is, at its most basic, the provision of food, clothing, housing, medical care, work - but it is so much more than that: blessing is making sure that another person reaches out towards their fuller potential. Now that's a far cry from the common or garden variety of what we mean by kindness. To be kind is to bless - to be kind is help another person become who they really are. And that is not an easy call.
I was telling you that story about Charlie, the man who had decided not to come back to Church. A few days after the conversation the Vicar rang Charlie and asked him if it would be alright if he came round to talk the issue through. Charlie said 'fine'. So there they were sitting around the kitchen table with mugs of coffee and the Vicar tried again, 'Charlie, the people at our Church are kind people, they really do care about you'. 'Do they?' asked Charlie. 'Certainly, they do!' With that Charlie jumped up from his chair and returned to the table with a pad of paper and a pen. 'I want names', he said, 'who are these people that you call kind?' 'You want names?' asked the Vicar rather timidly. 'I do', replied Charlie emphatically, 'who are these kind people, write down their names. Better still, would you be willing to put your name on the list? Are we willing to write our names down?'
The Reading that was read earlier is the story of the Good Samaritan and it is a famous story. A story we have all heard many times. Jesus tells this story of three men who are travelling on the road from Jerusalem to Jericho, which is a notoriously bad road known for muggers and thieves. The three men encounter a crime scene. Each of them responds to the crime scene in a different way. Jesus says these three men represent our three choices in life. Jesus says we are going to go through life with one of three attitudes towards the people around you, particularly the people in pain.
The first attitude is called ‘Keep My Distance’ attitude. Luke 10:33-31 says this ‘A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away. Leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.’ I’m going to keep my distance, avoidance. Don’t ever get close to people because they might ask for help, or you might be needed by them. Keep all your relationships superficial, keep them shallow, keep people at arm’s length. If you get close, you might get involved. And you could get hurt. The priest saw the man beaten, mugged and left for dead but he just said I’ll keep my distance, it’s nothing to do with me and walks on the other side of the road.
The second attitude is called ‘Curious but Uninvolved’. ‘So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.’ The Levite walks across the street, sees this victim lying there, beaten, naked, laying there half dead, looks at him – stares at him – walks back to the other side and keep on walking. I wonder if we have ever done that? What about road accidents on the motorway? Traffic always slows down with an accident because of the gawkers. We want to stare. What’s happening over there? Did anybody get hurt? But does anybody want to stop? No. We want to stare but not stop. This is the curious but not involved. Have you noticed that it is easier to gossip about people’s problems than it is to help them with it? We love ready the advice/gossip columns. We overhear someone talking about someone else’s misfortune but we don’t want to go and see the person to find out if we can help. But we want to listen, we want to know all about what’s going on. Curious but Uninvolved. Aware but apathetic.
The third attitude is the response of the Good Samaritan. ‘Treat others How I Want to be Treated.’ ‘But a Samaritan came where the man was, and when he saw him, he took pity on him.’ If we want to grow in love – and that’s is what we are talking about these 40 days, how to build authentic relationships, then we are going to have to learn the lifestyle of kindness. To The Samaritan: He was a Neighbour to Love. He dared to act as a concerned individual, in three specific ways. He Showed Compassion 10:33. “He took pity on him.”This word means much more than passing pity. The original has with it the connotation of being deeply moved inside. It is the word used to describe the way the Lord feels about lost sinners. Compassion describes the way God feels about us. When we show compassion we are merely demonstrating our family likeness. He showed compassion. He took the Initiative 10:34 “He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.” The Samaritan could have excused himself. He was a foreigner in a hostile country. He was alone and vulnerable, but Agape, God's love does not look for excuses, it looks beyond obstacles. It does not ask why, but why not? The Samaritan cleansed the victims wounds with wine and soothed them with oil. He bound up the wounds so they would begin to heal. He took the man to the inn to recover and promised to return to pay the bill. The Samaritan took the initiative. He demonstrated compassion and, thirdly He Bore the Cost 10:35 “The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'” He interrupted his schedule to help this man. It may have made him late for a business appointment, it may have delayed him from seeing his family. But he paid the cost. What did he have to gain from this personally? Nothing - except the joy and strength that come when you do God's will. When you serve in love without expecting recognition or reward. What did the Samaritan show? Compassion, initiative, sacrifice. Jesus said, "Which of these three do you think was a neighbour to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?" (Luke 10:36)
So who is my neighbour? In this present economic climate, I suspect that there will be at least one family we know which has a member who is out of work. I suspect that there is someone or a family living in your road perhaps struggling with debt, drugs or alcohol abuse, illness of any kind, single parent, poverty, the hooded teenager, a victim of crime. I also suspect that fear may well stop us from becoming involved. We have all read in newspapers about a good Samaritan going to help a victim and becoming a victim themselves. It’s hard, it’s difficult, especially if we are struggling with something ourselves to be Kind. It’s risky and costly, in time or financially. But Love IS kind. Jesus teaches that we cannot separate our relationship with God from our responsibility toward those he brings across our path. We can not identify those we want to be a neighbour to and those we can ignore. The question is not ‘to whom need I be a neighbour?’ But rather ‘what kind of neighbour am I?’ - to anyone I meet? Jesus has been kind to us. And the Bible says that kindness is an act of worship, it honours God, and makes you happy and attractive and it makes other people want to be kind to you.
I would like to invite us to join a revolution this week. And that is to break the spiral of fear and hate in our community with acts of compassion and mercy, especially toward those who are different, those who are the outsiders, those who are the strangers. Whoever the Lord brings across our path. Our assignment from Jesus is really very simple: “Go and do likewise.” (Luke 10:37) Let’s go and give a blessing. I’d like to invite you to follow me in this prayer right now. Just in your heart, say this in your mind: ‘
Dear God, thank you for your extravagant kindness to me. You sent Jesus to die for me. I’m so grateful for that. Father, I don’t want to be cruel or an apathetic person. I want to be more loving. Help me to take the steps towards kindness today. Help me to slow down and start seeing and sensing the needs of people around me. Give a Spiritual radar. Help me to be a better listener so I can sympathise with people. When interruptions come, help me to see them as opportunities to grow in kindness, to be more loving. Help me to be willing to take risks and move against my fears in order to help others. Starting today, I am making myself available to You to be used, to show Your kindness and love to others. In Your name, I pray. Amen.
What is kindness? Kindness is love in action. Last week Bruce said love is not a feeling. It is something you do. It creates feelings. It produces feelings, enormous emotions, but love is not a feeling, it is an action. It is a belief that you put in your behaviour. The bible says that love is kindness in action.
I was passing through a shop door recently and saw a woman approaching me laden down with bags. I held the door open for her. And she turned to me and said, 'How kind of you!' It set me wondering - what does it mean to be kind? What do you think it means to be kind?
If someone helped an unsighted person cross the road, would you think of them as kind? If someone looked after a stray animal, would you think of them as kind? If someone found your lost diary and returned it to you, would you think of that person as kind? I suspect we would see each of these acts as acts of kindness. And I suspect might well think of ourselves as kind people. We don't beat people up, kick animals, steal from others, or bully our neighbours; we are basically kind.
At an away weekend during my training one of my peers told a story about his childhood vicar and one of the parishioners. A story that has stayed with him and me. This vicar is in the habit of being the last person to leave the Church building after service on Sunday. He likes to make sure that all the books are back in place, the lights turned off and the kneelers neatly tucked away; everything ready for the service, the following week. One particular morning, as he put the key in the door he noticed one of his parishioners sitting on the bench just outside the Church. He took the time to sit beside him. 'Is there anything wrong, Charlie?' he asked as he sat down beside him. 'I don't know', said Charlie, 'I've being coming here for more than a year now but I don't think I belong'. 'Why ever not?' asked the Vicar. 'The people who go to your Church, they're nice enough but they don't care much about me; I don't think it would matter whether I came to Church or not'. 'Oh that's not true, Charlie, the people here are good, kind people; they really like having you among them'. 'I don't see it', said Charlie, 'I think I'm going to give the whole thing up'.
Well, I'm not sure what Charlie had in mind when he used the word kindness, I wonder if it was something to do with the fruit of the Spirit; Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness and Self Control. Love produces Love, which produce Joy etc. etc.
What does it mean to be kind? It means, first of all, not repaying evil with evil, or abuse with abuse. No, if you want to be kind, ‘bless’. To be kind, is to give a blessing. It's quite powerful stuff, because, in the Hebrew tradition, to bless is to give somebody the power for life. It is not a matter of holding doors open or returning lost diaries, which are all good and we should continue to do them - it is about giving someone the power for life. It is, at its most basic, the provision of food, clothing, housing, medical care, work - but it is so much more than that: blessing is making sure that another person reaches out towards their fuller potential. Now that's a far cry from the common or garden variety of what we mean by kindness. To be kind is to bless - to be kind is help another person become who they really are. And that is not an easy call.
I was telling you that story about Charlie, the man who had decided not to come back to Church. A few days after the conversation the Vicar rang Charlie and asked him if it would be alright if he came round to talk the issue through. Charlie said 'fine'. So there they were sitting around the kitchen table with mugs of coffee and the Vicar tried again, 'Charlie, the people at our Church are kind people, they really do care about you'. 'Do they?' asked Charlie. 'Certainly, they do!' With that Charlie jumped up from his chair and returned to the table with a pad of paper and a pen. 'I want names', he said, 'who are these people that you call kind?' 'You want names?' asked the Vicar rather timidly. 'I do', replied Charlie emphatically, 'who are these kind people, write down their names. Better still, would you be willing to put your name on the list? Are we willing to write our names down?'
The Reading that was read earlier is the story of the Good Samaritan and it is a famous story. A story we have all heard many times. Jesus tells this story of three men who are travelling on the road from Jerusalem to Jericho, which is a notoriously bad road known for muggers and thieves. The three men encounter a crime scene. Each of them responds to the crime scene in a different way. Jesus says these three men represent our three choices in life. Jesus says we are going to go through life with one of three attitudes towards the people around you, particularly the people in pain.
The first attitude is called ‘Keep My Distance’ attitude. Luke 10:33-31 says this ‘A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away. Leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.’ I’m going to keep my distance, avoidance. Don’t ever get close to people because they might ask for help, or you might be needed by them. Keep all your relationships superficial, keep them shallow, keep people at arm’s length. If you get close, you might get involved. And you could get hurt. The priest saw the man beaten, mugged and left for dead but he just said I’ll keep my distance, it’s nothing to do with me and walks on the other side of the road.
The second attitude is called ‘Curious but Uninvolved’. ‘So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.’ The Levite walks across the street, sees this victim lying there, beaten, naked, laying there half dead, looks at him – stares at him – walks back to the other side and keep on walking. I wonder if we have ever done that? What about road accidents on the motorway? Traffic always slows down with an accident because of the gawkers. We want to stare. What’s happening over there? Did anybody get hurt? But does anybody want to stop? No. We want to stare but not stop. This is the curious but not involved. Have you noticed that it is easier to gossip about people’s problems than it is to help them with it? We love ready the advice/gossip columns. We overhear someone talking about someone else’s misfortune but we don’t want to go and see the person to find out if we can help. But we want to listen, we want to know all about what’s going on. Curious but Uninvolved. Aware but apathetic.
The third attitude is the response of the Good Samaritan. ‘Treat others How I Want to be Treated.’ ‘But a Samaritan came where the man was, and when he saw him, he took pity on him.’ If we want to grow in love – and that’s is what we are talking about these 40 days, how to build authentic relationships, then we are going to have to learn the lifestyle of kindness. To The Samaritan: He was a Neighbour to Love. He dared to act as a concerned individual, in three specific ways. He Showed Compassion 10:33. “He took pity on him.”This word means much more than passing pity. The original has with it the connotation of being deeply moved inside. It is the word used to describe the way the Lord feels about lost sinners. Compassion describes the way God feels about us. When we show compassion we are merely demonstrating our family likeness. He showed compassion. He took the Initiative 10:34 “He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.” The Samaritan could have excused himself. He was a foreigner in a hostile country. He was alone and vulnerable, but Agape, God's love does not look for excuses, it looks beyond obstacles. It does not ask why, but why not? The Samaritan cleansed the victims wounds with wine and soothed them with oil. He bound up the wounds so they would begin to heal. He took the man to the inn to recover and promised to return to pay the bill. The Samaritan took the initiative. He demonstrated compassion and, thirdly He Bore the Cost 10:35 “The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'” He interrupted his schedule to help this man. It may have made him late for a business appointment, it may have delayed him from seeing his family. But he paid the cost. What did he have to gain from this personally? Nothing - except the joy and strength that come when you do God's will. When you serve in love without expecting recognition or reward. What did the Samaritan show? Compassion, initiative, sacrifice. Jesus said, "Which of these three do you think was a neighbour to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?" (Luke 10:36)
So who is my neighbour? In this present economic climate, I suspect that there will be at least one family we know which has a member who is out of work. I suspect that there is someone or a family living in your road perhaps struggling with debt, drugs or alcohol abuse, illness of any kind, single parent, poverty, the hooded teenager, a victim of crime. I also suspect that fear may well stop us from becoming involved. We have all read in newspapers about a good Samaritan going to help a victim and becoming a victim themselves. It’s hard, it’s difficult, especially if we are struggling with something ourselves to be Kind. It’s risky and costly, in time or financially. But Love IS kind. Jesus teaches that we cannot separate our relationship with God from our responsibility toward those he brings across our path. We can not identify those we want to be a neighbour to and those we can ignore. The question is not ‘to whom need I be a neighbour?’ But rather ‘what kind of neighbour am I?’ - to anyone I meet? Jesus has been kind to us. And the Bible says that kindness is an act of worship, it honours God, and makes you happy and attractive and it makes other people want to be kind to you.
I would like to invite us to join a revolution this week. And that is to break the spiral of fear and hate in our community with acts of compassion and mercy, especially toward those who are different, those who are the outsiders, those who are the strangers. Whoever the Lord brings across our path. Our assignment from Jesus is really very simple: “Go and do likewise.” (Luke 10:37) Let’s go and give a blessing. I’d like to invite you to follow me in this prayer right now. Just in your heart, say this in your mind: ‘
Dear God, thank you for your extravagant kindness to me. You sent Jesus to die for me. I’m so grateful for that. Father, I don’t want to be cruel or an apathetic person. I want to be more loving. Help me to take the steps towards kindness today. Help me to slow down and start seeing and sensing the needs of people around me. Give a Spiritual radar. Help me to be a better listener so I can sympathise with people. When interruptions come, help me to see them as opportunities to grow in kindness, to be more loving. Help me to be willing to take risks and move against my fears in order to help others. Starting today, I am making myself available to You to be used, to show Your kindness and love to others. In Your name, I pray. Amen.
Saturday, 21 February 2009
SUNDAY 22 FEBRUARY 2009, WHAT MATTERS MOST, Bruce
This message is adapted from one preached by Rick Warren in the original series. A sermon on the same theme is being preached at all five churches in the Camberley Group this morning.
Scripture Reference: 1 Corinthians 13
We can become a little callous to the fact that there are people around us who are hurting, who need love and care, and who need concern.
Today we’re going to begin a new series called “Living Real Relationships – With God’s Love.” We’re going to look at the most famous chapter in the Bible on love, 1 Corinthians 13.
The chapter mentions a number of challenging issues:
1. If I don’t live a life of love, nothing I say will matter.
Verse 1: ‘If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth, but I didn’t love others I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a claiming symbol.’ (NLT) God says words without love are just noise. Words without love are empty.
2. If I don't live a life with love, nothing I know will matter.
1 Cor 13:2 (NLT) ‘If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody’.
3. If I don’t live a life with love, nothing I believe will matter.
‘If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.’ (NLT)
1 John 4:20 (NLT) ‘If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we have not seen?’
4. If I don’t live a life of love, nothing I give will matter.
1 Cor. 13:3 (NLT) ‘If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.’
So what is love? We are going to investigate this important question over the next seven weeks.
1. The Bible says that love is a command.
God commands that we love each other. It’s not optional. If we don’t do it, the Bible says that we are sinning. The Bible says this in 2 John 1:6 (NLT) ‘Love means doing what God has commanded us, and he has commanded us to love one another, just as you heard from the beginning.’ Love is not a feeling.
2. The Bible says that love is a choice.
We choose to love, and we choose to not love. It’s a choice. The Bible says in 1 Cor. 14:1a (NLT) ‘Let love be your highest goal…….’
That means make a choice. Love is a choice. We choose to love or to not love.
3. The Bible says that love is a conduct.
It’s a behaviour. It’s an action. It’s a way of acting. Love is something you do. The Bible says in 1 John 3:18, “Dear Children, let us stop just saying we love each other, let us really show it by our actions.” (NLT). Be on the look out for opportunities to act lovingly, to do things for people this coming week.
4. The Bible says that love is a commitment.
1 John 4:16 says, 1 John 4:16 (NLT) ‘God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.’
Love never fails … but we will find it hard to live lives of love, even for the season of Lent. We will need to work at it, because we will be tested.
How do you do it? How do you build a life of real deep love? Again, it’s going to take about six weeks to unpack that question. It’s really profound. But I can give you some things to get you out of the starting block. Five things that you can do this week that will help you get on the road to becoming a truly great person of love. Because this is what matters most in life.
1. Learn how mature love acts and responds. What is God’s perspective?
2. Start your day with a daily reminder to love. The first ten minutes will set the tone.
3. Memorise what God says about love. Get God’s word inside!
4. Practice acting in unselfish, loving ways. Love is like a muscle. Practice makes perfect.
5. Get support from other loving people. Think about joining a group. You cannot learn to love alone in a room.
There’s so much we have to share about love. There’s no way that sermons lasting a few minutes can do justice to this mighty subject. That is why we are offering the four fold strand of
Sermons
Daily reading
Groups
Sunday evening extension sessions
Why is love the greatest? Because it is going to last forever. If the average person lives for 30,000 days, perhaps we can spend some time during 40 days to get better at it.
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